“Those annoying bike riders”

I haven’t really irritated the hell out of anyone since I last talked to my ex-wife, so today I’m going to rectify that situation, by taking on one of the most fanatical groups on the planet – bicycle riders.
Of course I know that biking is great exercise, great for the environment, yada, yada, blah blah, and yes, I have a bike.  My daughter and  son-in-law have bikes, three of my  granddaughters, age 10, 8 and 6 each have a bike.  In fact about everybody I know has a bike.
My mom died 10 years ago, and I think we might still have her bike, and if we dug up poor mom and strapped her to the bike, and pushed her down the road like some demented scene from Weekend at Bernies, it would probably be perfectly legal.
And that’s my point.  Anybody can ride a bike anywhere without getting in trouble.  My granddaughters could ride their bikes down an interstate, except that they have parents, but some kids must not have parents because I see little kids riding their bikes down the busiest streets in town.
It would be hard to license bike riders, but here’s an idea:  if you’re on the sidewalk or God forbid, a bike path you’re fine.  Go on the street, you need a license.
This brings me to a bigger problem.  Admittedly, bikes don’t cause much damage to streets, but shouldn’t the bike be licensed too?
They don’t have headlights or taillights or turn signals, and the only signal you usually get from a bicyclist is the one fingered kind, when you infringe on his space on the interstate.
There are also no standards for bikes.  They can use an umbrella for steering and take off the tires and run on the rims, and it seems to be ok.
Now there may be laws governing bikes, but have you ever seen them enforced.  The city put in cameras to keep drivers from their constitutional right to blast through yellow lights, but have you every seen a bike riders stop at a stop sign unless he absolutely had to?
Perhaps the thing that bothers me most about bike riders is that they seem to think they have the right away on all roads and cars should watch out for them rather than them worrying about cars.
Now I’m not advocating running over bicyclists, but if you find one riding at night on a busy, dark street, I think it’s fine to turn off your headlights, sneak up behind them, whap the lights on high and blow the hell out of your horn.  That ought to tighten up those cute little bike shorts.